President Obama earned laughs even before he opened his mouth for his last correspondence dinner, as he came out to the stage with Cups (You’re Gonna Miss Me When I’m Gone). “You can’t say it, but you know it’s true,” he addressed the crowd with.
Obama made several thinly veiled shots at Donald Trump seconds into his speech, noting it could be “perhaps the last correspondence dinner” and that “the end of the republic never looked better.” He also saved Trump for the end, but criticized the press for their coverage of his candidacy.
Obama did make it clear Hillary Clinton will be the next president, as he noted, to much applause, that “next year this time someone else will be standing here in this very spot, and it’s anyone’s guess who she will be,” before he became “reflective and a little sentimental.”
It was Bernie Sanders though who was called “the bright new face of the Democratic Party.” Obama complimented him that he looked “like a million bucks, or… 37,000 donations of $27 each.” Obama said he’s not surprised about Sanders’ support from young people, but he would be distancing himself, since “that’s not something you do to your comrade.”
Obama praised Sanders’ slogan of “Feel the Bern,” but noted that Hillary’s slogan of “‘Trudge Up the Hill!” has “not had the same effect.”
While Obama praised Hillary in many other ways, “you gotta admit it though,” he noted, “that Hillary trying to appeal to young voters is a little bit like your relative who just signed up for Facebook. ‘Dear America, did you get my poke? Is it appearing on your wall? I’m not sure I’m using this right. Love, Aunt Hillary.’ It’s not entirely persuasive.”
About the Republican primary, Obama noted “things are a little more loose.” While guests were asked to choose steak or fish, “a whole bunch of you just wrote in Paul Ryan. That’s not an option people, steak or fish. You may not like steak or fish, but that’s your choice.”
Since John Kasich was “not polling high enough to qualify for [his] own joke tonight,” a picture was merely shown of him eating.
Obama wondered if Ted Cruz, who called a basketball hoop, “a basketball ring,” also spoke of “baseball sticks” and “football hats” before noting “but sure, I’m the foreign one.”
The remarks closed in part with a video presentation of Obama trying to figure out what to do while remaining in D.C. for another two years. The “Couch Commander” met with John Boehner to watch Toy Story 3 and talk about how “I can just be me,” while the two left the theater with their aviator glasses.