[WATCH] Colbert performs the best televised, government shutdown-caused wedding ceremony ever

Colbert Shutdown WeddingRamifications of the administration’s foolhardy decision to blockade American memorials like they’re diamond displays in an art museum: optical whiplash after veterans broke through to the World War II Memorial; head-scratching and -shaking from the closure of overseas war cemeteries, like the one in Normandy; and a general sentiment of whoopsie daisy after being reminded that a Republican Congress and a Democrat president agreed to a temporary funding bill for veterans, welfare recipients and the District of Columbia during the 1995 government shutdown.

The latest: the matrimonial wrath of Stephen Colbert.

Mike Cassesso and MaiLien Le had planned to wed this Saturday at the Jefferson Memorial in Washington, the site of their first date in 2009, the Washington Post reported. Because the ongoing government shutdown would prohibit access to the grounds — and Cassesso didn’t “want to be arrested on my wedding day” for jumping the fence — the D.C.-based couple had to scramble for a backup site. Enter Colbert.

The Comedy Central funnyman, possessor of a certificate to be an ordained minister of the web-hosted American Marriage Ministries, staged an emergency ceremony for the two on his Thursday night program, replete with speedy bachelor and bachelorette parties, a beautiful “non-denominational Jewish blessing” from Homeland star Mandy Patinkin, and a first dance to the music of … Billy Idol.

“I promised you on night one of the shutdown, that as leader of the Colbert Nation and ‘Erlord of the Afterscape’, I would provide all canceled government services — and that includes weddings,” Colbert vowed before officiating the wedding.

He was a man of his word.

Watch the goodhearted and lighthearted two-part ceremony below.