10 best jokes from Obama’s 2013 White House Correspondents Dinner speech

At this point, speaking at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner is old hat for President Obama.

While many thought the tone of this year’s speeches would be more somber in light of the recent events in Boston and Texas, Obama still managed to pack quite a few laughs into his 20-minute speech.

Here are the ten best jokes from Obama’s speech at the 2013 White House Correspondents’ Dinner:

1. Jay-Z’s & Beyoncé’s recent Cuba trip.

BeyonceJayZChampagne

“I’ve got 99 problems and now Jay-Z’s one of them…that’s another rap reference.”

2. Bangs!

POTUS bangs WH Correspondents Dinner 2013

“I get it…these days I look in the mirror and realize I’m not the strapping young socialist I used to be.”

3. The Other Bush Library

The Blame Bush Library WH correspondents dinner 2013

“On Thursday I went to the opening of the Bush Presidential Library in Dallas. It inspired me to get started on my own legacy, which will actually begin by building another ediface right to the Bush library. I’m also hard at work on plans for the Obama library, and some have suggested that we put it in my birthplace but I’d rather keep it in the United States.”

4. Obama as Satan

Satan Barack Obama

“The History Channel is not here…guess they were embarrassed about the whole ‘Obama is a devil‘ thing.”

5. BuzzFeed

Buzzfeed logo

“I remember when Buzzfeed was something I did in college around 2:00am.”

6. Obama and the media

Barack Obama

“My job is to be president. [The media's] job is to keep me humble. Frankly, I think I’m doing my job better.”

7. Obama goes skeet shooting

Obama skeetshooting WH Correspondents dinner 2013

 

“You remember a few months ago my administration put out a photograph of me going skeet shooting at Camp David? Quite a number of people insisted that this had been photoshopped. Tonight I have something to confess – you were right, we were just trying to tone it down a little bit.”

8. Republican donor Sheldon Adelson

Sheldon Adelson investor

 

“You can buy an island and call it Nobama for that kind of money. Sheldon would have been better off offering me $100 million to drop out of the race. I probably wouldn’t have taken it, but I’d thought about it. Michelle would have taken it.”

9. Obama’s ‘charm offensive’

Barack Obama

“In fact, I’m taking my ‘charm offensive’ on the road: a Texas barbecue with Ted Cruz, Kentucky blue-grass concert with Rand Paul, and a book-burning with Michele Bachmann. My charm offensive has helped me learn some interesting things about what’s going on in Congress: it turns out absolutely nothing.”

10. Marco Rubio

Marco Rubio

 

“One senator who has reached across the aisle recently is Marco Rubio. But I don’t know about 2016 – I mean the guy hasn’t even finished a single term in the senate and he thinks he’s ready to be president.”

Comments

Comments

  1. sda53 says:

    None of this is funny. Why are we allowing this traitor idiot to stay in office. We know he is Indonesian, muslim, committed fraud to be on ballot in 08, sealed school records for applied as foreign student, and we don’t even know what his real name is and it goes on. He is a criminal. Do your job and get him out!

  2. AnonyTruth says:

    Wow Sda53 tin foil hat much? Everything you said is disinformation. You can look up the truth & think for yourself or continue to believe political extremists who count on you not looking it up so they can sell books & subscriptions to there shows. Everything you hear or read online is not true. These people are in it for the money & nothing else…

    1. sda53 says:

      Wow, commie I started researching him when he came out of nowhere and got on a ballot. This before they changed and cleaned records up to his favor. I have never been into politics till this muslim came on the scene. My concern is for the future not to be politically pleasing and in the popular crowd as you so want to be. Drink your kool aid and live in your dream world. Hopefully someone will stand up for your freedoms and rights so you will not have to do anything. If you are for obama and his muslim brotherhood administration then you too are a traitor to God and country. If they are in for the money what happens when he can’t borrow anymore in our name? This is about where our country is headed but obvious you do not want to worry your pretty little head with real life.

      1. Eric says:

        Well said SDA we got to get this Muslim traitor out of the White House NOW!!!!!

  3. Thomas A. Johnson says:

    Last Joke was Funny.
    You’re stuck with him so accept that or stress yourself silly.
    America choose a “hipster dufuss” over a “Christian Soldier” and America will have consequences for that. That is a fact and there is no way to “play it off”.

The Daily Show rips into Florida gun law

The Daily Show sent one of their “correspondents” down to Florida to "investigate" Governor Rick Scott’s law banning doctors from asking their patients about gun ownership.

Kimmel on the DEA's 'stoner rabbit' fear

In one of the more ridiculous anti-pot arguments we've seen in a while, the DEA in Utah is super concerned that, if they legalize edibles for medical use, all the local bunnies will get stoned out of their minds and lose their natural instincts.

Jon Stewart mocks Netanyahu

Jon Stewart spent a good deal of time Tuesday evening bashing Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s controversial speech before Congress, saying sarcastically, “Even though Netanyahu was speaking only two weeks before the Israeli elections, he wasn’t there just to use our Congress as the most elaborate campaign commercial background ever.”

Stewart calls House GOP 'turds'

Jon Stewart was looking forward to the end of congressional gridlock now that Republicans control both houses.

John Oliver gloats over net neutrality

John Oliver, who once spurred his followers to crash the FCC’s website demanding net neutrality, is positively gleeful over the news that the agency has approved rules to regulate the internet like a public utility.

White House

Calling for cooperation, Obama engages in confrontation

WASHINGTON (AP) — Amid appeals for bipartisanship, President Barack Obama in just three days has provoked Republicans on issues as disparate as immigration, Wall Street and the Keystone XL pipeline — a combative mix of defense and offense that underscores Washington's political realignment.

It’s on: Obama follows through and vetoes Keystone pipeline

Defying the Republican-run Congress, President Barack Obama rejected a bill Tuesday to approve construction of the Keystone XL oil pipeline, wielding his veto power for only the third time in his presidency.

Biden: The middle class is ‘being killed,’ in worse shape than any time since the ’20s

Joe Biden—everyone’s favorite creeper and truth-bomb-dropper.

MSNBC Host: Obama’s terrorism summit is a ‘dog and pony show’
You know it’s bad when President Obama has even lost the support of MSNBC. MSNBC Host Andrea Mitchell basically called the White House’s Summit on “Countering Violent Extremism” a farce during her show Wednesday. “Here he has the summit, no heads of government coming, the participation has not been at a particularly high level. We’ll have […]
Obama assures ‘almost complete confidence’ there have been no NSA abuses

The president’s interview with Re/code over the weekend touched on privacy issues, with Obama insisting with “almost complete confidence” that there have been no abuses of the government’s vast surveillance program.

Congress

DeSantis, Lee push for higher education reform
Higher education is finally getting some attention from Republicans in Congress. Rep. Ron DeSantis (R- Fla.) introduced the Higher Education Reform and Opportunity (HERO) Act Wednesday, the House companion legislation to what was introduced in the Senate by Sen. Mike Lee (R- Utah). The HERO Act would allow states to create their own accreditation systems for […]
Can Congress pass NSA reform in the next 100 days?

After failing to pass NSA reform last year, Congress has less than 100 days left to try again, or allow the entire phone metadata program to sunset on June 1.

Trey Gowdy says he's going straight to Hillary

Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton's email controversy has opened up a new front in the House's investigation of the 2012 Benghazi attack, with Rep. Trey Gowdy saying Tuesday that his investigators would be going straight to Clinton and her team to obtain all relevant correspondence.

More Congressmen had student loan debt this year
The student loan debt crisis is not just a growing problem among the American public, it’s growing among members of Congress as well. A grand total of 47 members of Congress reported a cumulative total of between $1.8 million and $4.6 million in student loan debt in 2013, as calculated by OpenSecrets based on personal […]
Congress sends Homeland Security bill to Obama

Congress is sending President Barack Obama a bill to fund the Department of Homeland Security through the end of the budget year, without overturning the president's immigration policies.