The 2014 '30 Under 30'

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Jon Stewart endorses Marco Rubio for Pope

Late-night comedian Jon Stewart wasted no time Monday night making it known that he thought the Pope’s resignation was just one big joke. In what could perhaps be the most irreverent episode of The Daily Show yet, Stewart, who is Jewish, devoted the first ten minutes of his show to covering the Pope’s departure from his perch atop the Catholic Church.

In the first segment - “Holy Quit! How’s it Going with that Popey Changey Thing?” – Stewart commented on how odd it is that the Pope is retiring.

“He’s an 85 year old,” exclaimed Stewart. “What does he do? He sits on his porch in a track suit and wrap-around sunglasses and yells at the neighbors’ kids.”

Then, Stewart went to his “Senior Vatican Correspondent” Samantha Bee, who claimed the Pope had a crisis of faith.

“Since when?” asked Stewart. “Honestly, since the Manti Te’o thing,” says Bee. “The pope has just started to question a long-term relationship with someone he talks to all the time but has never actually met.” Stewart followed up by stumbling into a comparison between a resurrected Lennay Kekua and a resurrected Jesus Christ.

In Stewart’s last segment on the Pope “Senior Catholic Correspondent” John Oliver spoke to Stewart about the top candidates to replacement Pope Benedict XVI.

“Well actually, honestly, I’m hearing the name Mitt Romney floating around a lot here Jon,” Oliver said.

“He was a Mormon, Jon. He’s evolved on that issue,” Oliver joked, referencing Romney’s well known flip-flops on major political issues such as abortion.

Oliver then goes on to list other top candidates to replace the outgoing Pope – the rest of the candidates for the 2012 Republican presidential nomination. “That’s just last year’s presidential candidates,” observes Stewart serving the punch line up to Oliver. “Oh I’m sorry John, you’re absolutely right,” Oliver replies. “What would they know about appealing to a floundering organization dominated by old white men, clinging to an arcane moral code, who must reluctantly embrace change to remain relevant.”

In the end, Stewart and Oliver agree that Republican Sen. Marco Rubio (R-Fla.) will be selected to succeed Pope Benedict XVI, pointing to statistics on growing proportions of Latinos in the Catholic Church. “

“When you combine a religious ban on birth control Jon, with the fiery passion of the Latino culture. Ay caramba, Jon, it’s muy caliente,” Oliver says.

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